May 4, 1992.

I am in a university. We are preparing a big protest march or
meeting. I am in a hallway and it is crowded with students. An
old scool friend, Josette, is there. She is very self-confident.

I am at the hospital in the elevator with some nurses. I am
about to get off on the second floor but the nurse says I must
not get off here. On the fourth floor, they tell me to get off.
I know it's the oncology ward and I think there must be some
mistake. According to the nurses however, there is no mistake.
I have cancer.

I am in a pool swimming. I have the pool all to myself. All of
a sudden, Gilles dives in and we playfully race in the pool.

Josette shows up. She has two daughters: a blonde one and a dark
one. I see the blonde and say she should have been a brunette
because of her character. Josette agrees "but she looks like
me", she says. Josette is very dark haired. Josette has a bunch
of tools in her hand. It is to build her house in Switzerland.
She lives there with her husband. She show Gilles and I how the
tools are different, even the nails.

I am back in the pool. This time, by myself. I swim a couple of
lengths and then cross over to the other side of the building. I
amn on the second floor of the hospital, in my bathing suit and I
am looking for dirty dishes. There is only one dessert dish and
I quickly leave because it looks strange to be walking down a
hospital corridor in a swimsuit.

I find myself in abother pool, parallel to the one before. I
dive in but hit my temple on a step while diving. I can feel
myself losing control, passing out, but I fight. I think:
"Gilles doesn't know; no one knows I am in the pool. They'll
find me dead at the bottom of the pool". Little by little, I
regain consciousness. I can swim on my back and hope I will make
it to the other end of the pool. I do and it starts snowing,
thowugh it's an indoor pool. Suddenly, one end of the pool is
open to the outdoors. A dg comes up, jumps into the pool. More
and more snow is falling. I am not cold. I think I am lucky to
have this pool to relax, to rest from work. In the corner of the
pool, I dig and find two dirty starfish. I think about bringing
them home but they are too big, and too dirty and still alive.
Beside them, I find a fairly big turtle with a pattern of little
holes in her shell. A am scared the dog will eat her.


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