April 29, 1992.

I have to wrtie. I have to start seeing myself as a writer. It
comes to me clearly in my dream.

Then, I am sitting in a huge hall, alone. The hall is partly
open the the outdoors. An oriental man comes to talk to me. He
is small and he talks incessantly. At one point, he offers me a
cigarette. I accept. We smoke and then, he asks me to dance. I
say not this one as there is no one else on the dance floor. He
is disppointed but accepts. I see little children who are
dancing a dance with bamboo sticks. They dance in pairs. Most
are Oriental, but not all.

I accept to dance the next dance with the Oriental man. He
tightly squeezes my arm as he accompanies me to the dance floor.
I am uncomfortable. It is a fast-paced number and we have fun.
I try not to lead too much. At one point, I lose my shoe. We
continue dancing the number until it is finished and I pick up my
shoe after.

We then walk back to our seats. Once again, he holds me tightly
by the arm and I wonder if he could be violent.

We meet two men we both know. They are soldiers; one is a Gomer
Pyle type of character. He says: "You are so lucky to have found
the one. I've been looking for so long and I keep looking, but I
just don't have any luck." I am stunned. I protest and the
Oriental man, meanwhile smiles proudly. I know I am already
married. I wear a wedding band. I know I have four children and
I know the soldier knows this too. I don't understand why I am
in this situation where they think I am connected to this man. I
am not in the least attracted to this man. I am even frightened
of him.


Suddenly, I remember that Gilles is missing and that most people
presume he is dead. They think I should be getting on with my
life, dating, etc. Then I clearly say to my two soldier friends
and the Oriental man: "Gilles will come back one day and I am
still married to him."


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